Colton for President

   I truly look forward to getting on my computer and blogging away each day. However when most of my day is spent arguing with a five year old, finding the time to devote to my blog is not always easy. Which is probably why after years of attempting to offer highlights of my hectic life, I am only now during the coldest winter ever finding the time! Not much else to do in -18 degrees and snowstorms! So back to Colton, the smartest five year old in world. That's right, no one knows as much as this little man.  He will correct you, tell you how it REALLY is and point out your parenting flaws. Take this morning for example. I woke up in excruciating back pain. I can not tell you what I did but taking the slightest breath hurt, so I hobbled upstairs and woke him up. From the get go I was forced to argue (which took all my strength and prescription strength Ibuprofen to do) about everything!


Smell That OLD SPICE

Me: "Colton please get in the shower, quickly, we need to hurry." Colton: "I already did last night."
Me: "No you didn't and you have school today, Dad is already in just go jump in with him."

This peaked his interest (any chance to spend a few more minutes with Daddy) so he went and "got in the shower", or so I thought. Twenty minutes later as I am feeding the baby and cringing in pain...
Me: "Colton why are you sitting naked behind the couch, why is your hair not wet?"
Colton: "I didn't want to get in with Dad. I'm quicker by myself."

In my head I am swearing up a storm. Finally, he got in and lathered his little body up with the man soap because he refuses to use the kid kind. So eventually I got my squeaky clean, old spice smelling, little guy out, thinking ok rough morning but we are past this!
Me: "Colton you can pick out any shirt hanging in your closet and wear your jeans with it, I'm going to pack your lunch."
Colton: "I don't want to wear jeans, they are not warm."
Me: "Really Colton? They aren't warm? Nice try, put the jeans on and you can pick any shirt hanging in the closet you want."

Finally, he came back down in a pair of Gabby's sweatpants and a hand me down t-shirt from a triathlon that I assure you we did not participate in! Oh and don't forget he accessorized, a Toledo Walleye hat turned backwards and Batman snowboots.
Me: "Colton that is not what we discussed, you look like a hoodrat."
Colton: "No I look cool."
Me: "Goooooooooooooo change!"


Vice President: Pete the Cat

So I continued to pack his lunch. A healthy lunch for those of you keeping tabs, trying to fulfill my New Years resolution and since his school has a microwave I take advantage of sending him a hot meal! So I put organic noodles and sauce in a container, a slice of wheat bread with butter, fruit, juice and a treat! All of Colton's favs but Colton knowing everything looked at the meal and said...
Colton: "I hate spaghetti, it takes too long to cook."
Me: "Its already cooked, they just need to warm it up and you love SPAGHETTI!"
Mind you whenever we eat out this is what he orders, the only thing if its on the menu and he requests it for dinner once a week!!!
Me: "Please just get your coat on we have to go. Your lunch is packed already."                                
Colton: "I want a pb&j rollup."

Me: "How about if you have that for breakfast?"                  
Colton: "Ok."
Me: "So you will eat the spaghetti for lunch, right?"
Colton: "Oh yeah I love it, its my favorite."
Me: In my head I am thinking WTH? Is this kid for real? A twenty minute argument over how he hated spaghetti only to end up saying he loved it??? What am I doing wrong as a parent!!!

So while everyone critiques the president and all he does/doesn't do wrong, I say just elect Colton. I mean he can debate the pants off any politician and he sure is demanding. He seems to always get his way and he's a pretty sharp dresser!

                                 COLTON DUNN FOR PRESIDENT 2016