Buttcracks Are Awkward

Dude, no one wants to see this!

Today I ventured out with three children to pick a few thing up at Wal-Mart. It was extremely pleasant shopping on a Tuesday morning. No crowds, no lines, just me, the kids and a few elderly people in awe of my happy baby! We were in, we were out, groceries and subway in hand all ready to eat lunch. Then it happened. I walked out the big double doors at the front of the store, the sun streaming down on my face, a beautiful day ruined by the sight of a woman bent over with her entire crack exposed. It was like a train wreck. I didn't want to stare but I couldn't take my eyes off of it. As this incident was unfolding through my head ran the same thought over and over, "why can't people wear pants that cover their butts?" My appetite vanished quickly and as I loaded up the groceries hoping to avoid anymore rear

Even If You Are Blond
& Skinny, It's Still Gross!

end exposure, I pondered this awkward occurrence.




The "Mom" Crack...
Bending down to help
Your child is no excuse!

I mean lets face it, this isn't the first time I have been subjected to some random stranger's booty. You will never find me mooning the public. Dewey always makes fun of me for wearing my pants too high, although, I say... its at my natural waistline.!But I will take high waisted, grandma pants over low rise, crack showers any day. Maybe more people should take my pant wearing strategy and put it into practice because it is reallyyyyyyyyyyyy awkward when you are an adult and that much skin is showing on your tushy. It makes people uncomfortable. Seriously. So the next time you are getting dressed, pull up your pants, secure them with a belt, zip them tight, just do whatever you have to do to keep them up! Most importantly remember the age old saying from what I'm sure was a very wise man... "Crack Kills"! 

Now This Crack Is OK :)

The BMV

   So this year for my birthday I needed to make a trip to the BMV. Bureau of Motor Vehicles or what I like to call H - E - double hockey sticks. Does anyone actually like going to the BMV? If you do please tell me why because its a nut house. Instead of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, they should put a camera in there and make a reality show out of the eclectic group in the bureau's waiting area.

 
   It's kind of a catch twenty two, you feel like crap about yourself because they make you publicly state your weight and take the world's worst photo but on the other hand when you look around the room and notice that you are one of the few people who showered and put on clothing other then pajama pants, you feel pretty good! But seriously ladies, who tells the truth on their license about their real weight? This is the one place I think its OK to tell a little white lie! Lord knows if I get pulled over by a hot cop, I don't want him knowing that I really way 30 (OK, OK, 40) lbs. more then what it says!!!
 
   Another pet peeve of mine regarding the BMV, is how you walk in and have to pull a number ticket out of the "meat market machine". Then slowlyyyyyyyy watch the ticker, tick down till it hits your number. I walked in and got number 99 and they were only on 78. Watching, watching, watching... waiting, waiting, waiting! All this so that they can snap a funky photo, take my money and send me on my way. So while I was patiently awaiting my turn, I found 7 tips for the next time I go or you go to get a new license. Maybe these will actually help to make us look like what we think we should look like in that little blue box!!!

http://driving-tests.org/beginner-drivers/top-7-tips-excellent-drivers-license-photo/